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It must have been the worst work name ever. That is right, like the cake mix, but with an вЂhвЂ™. She was a severe looking Asian woman in her mid-thirties who gave her name as Sarah Lee. The first real interview was with a middle level manager in the Science and Technology Directorate. Flanked by the American flag on the left and another blue standard bearing the CIA seal on the right, it had about 70 stars and an inscription in gold block letters which read вЂњIN HONOR OF THOSE MEMBERS OF THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES IN THE SERVICE OF THEIR COUNTRY.вЂќ Yikes! It was good that I was applying for an analyst job.ДЄ human resource staffer with an absurdly large female style bow tie attached to her outfit fetched me from the lobby. The double height floor to ceiling glass windows, the black and white checked marble floor, and the giant logo with a head of an eagle and a starburst were straight out of Hollywood. When I walked through the front door, I was surprised that it looked exactly like it does in Hollywood films. The second day was devoted to interviews at CIA headquarters. For example, a very senior officer like the CIA station chief at the US Embassy in Budapest might have an official job title like вЂњAssistant AttachГ© for Agricultural AffairsвЂќ. There were also several questions which all asked in varying fashions whether you would mind misleading your friends and family into believing that you have a pretty low level job in some obscure government agency. Presumably, if you were driving a battered old Trabant out of Dresden headed for the East German border and it broke down, you would not be able to call AAA. For example, it had several questions about your willingness to learn about automobile repair. This reflected the fact that the candidates for both field officer and analyst positions were all taking the same tests. There were about twenty candidates, including some scary looking guys as well as some very photogenic women.

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I was headed into a full day of personality and aptitude assessment tests.

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The sign on the building read вЂњMaryland State Department of TransportationвЂќ, but no Marylander was ever going to get his driverвЂ™s license renewed at this place.

Early the next morning, I took a taxi to an address that was definitely not CIA headquarters. Eventually, this phone interview reached a crescendo when Michael lobbed this disquieting query over the phone: вЂњHave you ever had sex with another male?вЂќ I replied вЂњNo, but I would be willing to learn.вЂќДЄ couple weeks later, I flew out of Chicago OвЂ™Hare and arrived at Dulles around 9 pm. Great, that was just the kind of cuttingly insightful analysis that the CIA needed. I told him that it was really hot and there was a lot of sand, shitloads of sand actually, such that it made the film Lawrence of Arabia look like the beach at Seaside Heights in comparison. Michael asked me to tell him about the summer which I spent working in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia for the Arabian American Oil Company. He had a gruff speaking manner, so I constructed a mental image of a former CIA field officer, whose cover had been blown, and was now consigned to some horrendous job in the human resources department. вЂњMichaelвЂќ was surely a CIA work name rather than his real name. IвЂ™m with the CIA.вЂќ Then after a pause for sheer gravity, вЂњI am calling about the application that you sent in.вЂќ That is how the interview process with the Central Intelligence Agency began. Picking up the phone, I simply said вЂњEliot Winthrop.вЂќ The voice on the phone began вЂњThis is Michael Ross. Then I reluctantly opened my eyes, looked around my little room on the second floor of Burton Judson Court, and noted with disdain that the time showing on my digital alarm clock was 7:05am. The Secretary Will Disavow Any Knowledge of Your Actions The title is taken from a line of dialog that was part of the opening sequence of nearly every episode of the 1960's television show Mission Impossible. It was submittedВ to Xanadu in January 2016. This short story was adapted from a personal narrrative essay which I wrote for ENG 105 in Fall 2015.

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